I Will Help Carry You.

My last post was simply raw emotions...not holding back. It's not me, but I so needed to express how wonderful my Buppa is and how much I love him.

I went home a little over a week ago. Two days before I got home, Buppa was put on new medication. The medication worked wonders on him. He was alert, awake, talking, eating...it was amazing. We all didn't expect to see that side of him again. He's not lucid, he tells many stories and you are always confused...but we laughed. I was surrounded by mom and dad, brother, uncles and aunts and cousins...all of them (minus a few cousins and Krissy)...we laughed, we laughed more and we loved every minute of it.

It's not the best of circumstances, but I can honestly say they we cherished and loved every moment we were standing around Buppa telling stories, looking at pictures and just loving being in the moment.

Kevin had the wonderful idea of having Buppa putt!

Buppa kept telling Grandma she was cheating!

Buppa's first time sitting on the back porch, watching the golfers.

I will forever be grateful that my trip home was 100x better than I anticipated. Buppa knew who I was at least once everyday. My cousin and I were showing pictures of us when we were little, and he knew exactly who we were with no prompting. He knew who we were as children, but vaguely, if that, knew us as adults.

The hardest thing I have ever done, was telling him goodbye. To add to that...he kept saying, "you aren't Nicole"...which was comical at first...I knew he was looking for the "little me"...and I ached for him to have a moment of clarity. It was very hard.

But, what made it easier, was the weekend spent with the family. Telling the stories, remembering exactly who Buppa was and still is. He told so many funny stories while we were there, although we couldn't place them. I think God gave me those 4 days to remember Buppa for who he is, what he has done, to let me help him in ways that he has helped me. For every Coke I snuck him...he has snuck me millions, every kiss I gave him, he has given me a million more, every time I sat and listened to his stories, he has listened to mine 10x more.

I dug out an old poem that Grandma and Buppa gave me when I was confirmed...I think 14 years ago. On the back of the poem...it was the Footprints poem...Buppa wrote, "I love you and will always help carry you." He has carried me through almost everything in my life. Everything. It was my turn to do it for him. In what little I could do...Buppa was all that mattered while I was home. It really put into perspective how much one person can really mean to such a large family. He carried everyone and we all are so grateful and now we will carry him.


I was going to add more to this blog about the move (we leave in 15 days for North Carolina) but I think I will leave it with just Buppa again. He is such a special person and I think he deserves another blog dedicated just to him.

I will write more tomorrow. Promise.