I can't even put into words how much Buppa means to me. My head is just spinning with memories. And that makes it so much harder knowing there won't be anymore memories to make.
I haven't posted for a reason, I can not put into words how I feel. I am so angry. I am hurt. I am thankful.
I am angry because this is not fair. What he is going through is not fair. To watch the strongest man I know slip away. To not be able to be there to hold his hand and tell him how much I love him...it's not fair.
I am thankful because I had so long with Buppa. 27 years for him to love me, for me to love him. And love we did. He was my biggest supporter. If I didn't talk to him for a day, he would call and leave messages...threatening to call the cops. He was amazing. If I called too late and it was only Grandma still up, no matter how late I called, he was always on the phone. I know that, because I could always hear him breathing. When I would get off the phone I would say "goodnight Buppa" and he would say "goodnight sweetheart". I didn't have to talk to him to know that he was there.
That is what I am holding onto when I fly home on Wednesday...I pray that I can talk to him...even though he can't say anything, I pray that he knows I am there.
My life, where I am and who I am...Buppa played a major role in it. If there were consequences I knew I would have to face, I always thought about "what would Buppa think".
It's really hard to put into words who Buppa is, what he meant to me and the bond that we shared. He is my best friend, the person who loved me know matter what, the person who supported anything and everything I did...but most important, he taught me unconditional love. The love that you ache for.
I pray that on Wednesday my layovers in Phoenix and Dallas are smooth and that I can get to Buppa as soon as I can...to hold his hand, kiss his cheek and sit with him...to show him the unconditional love that he taught me.
